Coco by Sushila Dahan :: Get one at Allposters

 

This week someone veeeery close to me … someone who is incredibly smart and super savvy … this person said something soooo very wrong … so completely and utterly and ADORABLY wrong.

I won’t get into what it was (mainly because I can’t remember )  But it was the equivalent of asking the cashier, “How many monkeys is this?” instead of “How much money is this?” All the while fully believing you were saying the right words.

Adorable, right?

Oooh, example number two: Once a friend of mine claimed that people shouldn’t cause trouble by making molehills out of anthills.

I love this stuff!

So now the question:

When someone pulls a faux pas like that … and you know the right word, the correct phrase … do you say something? I’m not talkin’ public humiliation or anything, I mean just between the two of you, in private.

To inform or not to inform?

Richard Carlson says we’re given many opportunities to choose being kind over being right. And it’s all about intention.

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“You have chances to point out to someone their mistakes, things they could or should have done differently, ways they can improve. You have chances to ‘correct’ people, privately as well as in front of others. What all these opportunities amount to are chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.

Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we’re right and they’re wrong is that our ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and therefore we will feel better.

In actuality, however, if you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you’ll notice that you feel worse than before the put-down. Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it’s impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else.

Luckily, the opposite is true – when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better, to share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct someone, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead, ask yourself, ‘What do I really want out of this interaction?’ Chances are, what you want is a peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist ‘being right,’ and instead choose kindness, you’ll notice a peaceful feeling within.

Recently my wife and I were discussing a business idea that had turned out really well. I was talking about ‘my’ idea, clearly taking credit for our success! Kris, in her usual loving manner, allowed me to have the glory. Later that day, I remembered that the idea was actually her idea, not mine. Whoops! When I called her to apologize, it was obvious to me that she cared more for my joy than she did her own need to take credit. She said that she enjoys seeing me happy and that it doesn’t matter whose idea it was. (Do you see why she’s so easy to love?)

Don’t confuse this strategy with being a wimp, or not standing up for what you believe in. I’m not suggesting that it’s not okay for you to be right – only that if you insist on being right, there is often a price to pay – your inner peace. In order to be a person filled with equanimity, you must choose kindness over being right, most of the time. The best place to start is with the next person you speak .”

 

— Richard Carlson, from Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

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So what do you think? Next time somebody slips up in front of you and it occurs to you to correct them … ask yourself “why?” Is it to share a “that’s so adorable!” moment or is it just ego, baiting you to make itself feel superior at someone else’s expense?

Why not make it your goal to build up the people you love. Go mute on their mistakes. Speak up when you catch ‘em doing something right.

Oh and PS, in the story above, I did not point out the error. I kept the adorability to myself

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Richard Carlson is the author of over 20 books on happiness and stress reduction. Two of these, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and it’s ALL small stuff and You Can Be Happy No Matter What have literally changed my life, teaching me how to prevent errant thoughts from tainting my joy. Richard passed away in 2006 at the age of 45. One day I will meet his wife Kris and give her a big hug. :: Coco illustration is by artist Sushila Dahan

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For me, Santa Clause represents the beautiful
childlike magic of believing in things you cannot see.
How perfect!

Join me on 12seconds.tv [Because anything longer is boring.]

Anna is the light of my life and Anna has autism. I took a break from my graphic design career for three years in order to work with her and my life has never been the same.

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The first word Anna ever said to me was “sandwich!”

She wasn’t speaking and would sort of just wander around the classroom. I worked with her every day with books, counting ducks, asking questions about pictures and identifying objects.

She never spoke to me.

As a matter of fact, she’d be walking in one direction and if I went over to her, she’d turn and walk the other way, like a magnet repelling its identical pole. I felt pretty bad about that. (A small child running from you wasn’t exactly the ideal work situation! )

So yes, I was bummed. Until the day that Anna’s physical therapist Christina (bless her soul!) told me it was actually a good sign.

She said Anna knew that if I was there, she’d have to communicate or something would be required of her and she walked away because she wanted to stay in her own little world and not face the challenge of me.

That made a whole buncha sense (and felt better).

Still, I knew that she was capable of great things so I’d read books with her anyway and keep trying to make contact. Each day I’d get Anna off of the bus, ask her to look up and talk to her about the weather, “Look up in the sky … I see blue sky … It’s sunny!”

I’d talk to her about what we were doing each step of the way so she could hear how sentences were put together, how ideas were expressed and how things were described. “What am I doing? I’m tying shoes.”

Never any response or sign of recognition.

One book had pictures of food objects all over the page so I’d point and ask, “What do you see?” No reply. I’d tell Anna, “I see sandwich … fries … apple … muffin …” pointing to each.

No response.

One day I went to get Anna from the bus as usual. I stood on the sidewalk and the doors opened. Anna appeared at the top of the stairs and as the attendant was putting on her backpack, Anna looked directly into my eyes and exclaimed, “Sandwich!”

I was floored, stunned for a second, and then I recovered replying, “Yes, yes, sandwich!”

Funny how a thing like that can make your whole day.

From then on, our conversations went something like this …

Anna: “Sandwich!”
Me: “Sandwich!”
Anna: “Fries!”
Me: “Fries!”
Anna: “Apple!”
Me: “Apple!”

(Pause as Anna’s eyes searched an imaginary page in her mind, deep in thought… )

Me: “What else is in that book?”
Anna: “Muffin!”
Me: “Muffin!”

(Another pause)

Me: “Burger!”
Anna: “Burger!”

When Anna attempt to communicate this to others, they would often reply, “No, silly, you can’t have a sandwich now, it’s not lunch time!” and I’d tell them, “N’no, she’s telling you about a book she read!”

When we ran programs, I’d get all excited and happy if Anna got something right. I’d exclaim, “YAAAY!” holding out my hands palms up. Anna would put her hands on top of mine and give me this gleeful look, like she was so delighted that *I * was so delighted. If she got an answer wrong, she’d look at me and ask, “yaay?”

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Carly: “ANNA is the CUTEST KID in the WHOLE school!”
Molly: “She’s cuter than a TEDDY BEAR!”

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Find out more about autism and what you can do to help children who have this puzzling disorder at Anna Rose.

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Share on Facebook :: Photo by Anna’s sister Maria, a loving, supportive and precious girl as well as a kick-butt photographer!

It’s Works-for-Me Wednesday: Backwards Day, where WE ask YOU the questions! And just in time … I need some answers!

I make mothers bracelets but recently I added a medical ID band to my lineup and am trying to figure out if I should invest in a whole stash of these. If so, I’d need to decide which sizes and colors would sell best. To date, I’ve sold only pinks.

So it’s time for a poll! 

Which of these would your child or teen … or YOU … wear?
[ See the options here ]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

When Rocks in My Dryer asks about favorite online shopping … well, what’s a girl to do but point-point-point enthusiastically in the direction of the loveliest Valentine’s Day jewelry EVER with the BIGGEST HEART in the world? If you don’t know what I’m talkin’ bout, you obviously haven’t been hanging out with me enough. (Drop me a line, stranger!)

 

20% of the profits go to programs which support communication and understanding for children with autism and round about now there’s a little Valentine’s sale goin’ on too, which kicks up the “go ahead, do it!” factor just a hair.

Ok so I’m just a tad bit late posting my Surfers Healing vid. Kinda like Christmas in July only in reverse. Blame it on a long-needed technology break.

I made the video the very night we got back from the beach but after all that gleeful work the final export crashed and burned, as techie things oft do, so I needed a little breathing space. Happily I am no longer in the corporate world so I can afford myself such luxuries as wiggle room and breathing space. Aaaaah, the joys of not being strapped to a laptop nine to five.

(… or to be more precise, nine to five AM-the-next-morning, as my friends would be more than happy to remind me).

So five months later and voila! I’m all refreshed and ready to unveil Anna’s nearly-celluloid debut! Enjoy!

Surfer’s Healing is a wonderful free surf camp for children with autism.

Surfers Healing was founded by Israel and Danielle Paskowitz. Their son, Isaiah, was diagnosed with autism at age three. Like many children with autism, he often suffered from sensory overload– simple sensations could overwhelm him. The ocean was the one place where he seemed to find respite.

A former competitive surfer, Israel hit upon an idea–with Isaiah on the front of his surfboard, and Izzy steering from the back, the two spent the day surfing together. Surfing had a profound impact on Isaiah. Israel and Danielle decided they wanted to share this unique therapy with other children. They began to host day camps at the beach where children with autism and their families could be exposed to a completely new experience.

1. motion ::  gym … dance … tennis … walk … personal home movement (only I know what that is!

2. connect in person with intelligent life form ::  see a friend … go somewhere … do something out in the delicious world

3. drink drink drink  ::  3 sporty curvy 23 oz bottles of refreshing yummy water with fiber in one of ‘em

4. thank challenge for the gift it is on the verge of bringing into my life

5. wake with “thank you” for there is always something to say that to

6. compliment someone / bless someone / love the unlovable

7. dance to life with music that makes me happy to be in this world and which makes me want to skip and play

8. be inspired by an Abraham-Hicks card

9. one load of laundry

10. five minutes of hot-spot prevention  

Hmm … which of these gems can I commit to truly and deeply and love and hug and frolic with oh so joyfully? There are actually a lot of them which I would like to fully commit to. I already do some of them daily, like 5 and 7. What a big diff those make in my morning, like night and day, right?   

Which ones would benefit me the most intensely and impactfully? I see I just made up that word because Outlook is underlining it, yaay me for making up a cool word! I'd say 10 and 6 and hmm let's throw 3 into the mix just for fun!