Giant Marble Boulders on Beach, Moeraki, New Zealand

Symptoms:

• Incessant underlying low-grade tension
• Scribbled lists on piles of post-it's and papers
• Spinning thoughts
• Paralysis when you think of what you need to do today
• Overuse of the word “overwhelm”
• Constant concern that you're forgetting something
• Jarring awake in the middle of the night realizing you HAVE in fact forgotten something

I'm here to tell you …

Today is a brand new day and it's the perfect day for peace of mind.

Peace begins with separating out what is truly, truly important and what can fall away. And letting what can fall away fall.

Let's get this party started

If you're like me, you're probably saying something that sounds a bit like this:

“But it's ALL important!!!”

I hear ya. I'm with ya. And it's true, it totally feels that way, right?

But here's the thing: It's not that way. I know it feels that way … but it's not that way. There are certain things which, if left undone, the world would not come to an end. Really, it's true.

Imagine this:

You're having a dinner party. There's all this stuff to be done.

People to invite. Food to buy. Decorations to put up. Gift bags to assemble. Recipes to cook. Plates and cups and utensils to be laid out. Hair to be washed. Clothes to put on. Big to-do list, right?

Now just say you're jammin' along on your list and suddenly you look up and … wow, the party's starting in a half hour! Certain things would drop off the list.

And it would be ok.

I know, I know, you really want to get it all done, to have absolutely the most kick butt party in the whole wide world but …

• Maybe it's ok for you to NOT make that crab dip your partygoers would so very much love. After all, you do already have the main course cooked and the drinks are so very delicious. And maybe it's not ideal but maybe, just maybe, it would be totally fine.
• Maybe when your first guest comes they could help you put the utensils out. And maybe it's not ideal but maybe, just maybe, it would be totally fine.
• Maybe a few of the things from your massive to-do list don't get done. And maybe it's not ideal but maybe, just maybe, it would be totally fine.

Separate the stones

Envision a glass jar. You've got stones and pebbles and sand. What's the most efficient way to fill up that jar? If you fill up your jar with sand first, you'll never get your stones in there.

Put the stones in first, then the pebbles. Last, the sand can flow in between the spaces.

First, let's get acquainted with your stones, your pebbles and your sand. To determine which is which, ask yourself, “If this did not get done, what's the worst that would happen?”

Essential stones:

Let's face it, although very little on our to-do list is truly, truly life-altering, certain things definitely do feel that way. Essential stones are the things which, if not done … well, the party just would not happen.

These are the things that would make the most impact on your desired end result. They do not merely add to the experience … If one were to drop off the list, there would be no experience.

Example: If you were giving a party and didn't invite anyone … no party. Sure sign that this is an essential stone.

Pebbles:

Pebbles do feel important but if one were to not fit into your jar, it wouldn't be the end of the world. There would still be a party.

These things may feel like necessities but if one had to drop off, it would be ok. A different experience but ok.

Example: Of course it's our intention for your guests to have something to drink but if they didn't, would there still be a party? Of course there would!

Sand:

Sand is the minutia. These are the tiny details, the experience-enhancers, the wishes or the add-ons.

Examples: The tenth appetizer. The tea lights placed with care on the tables. The little place cards telling each guest where to sit.

Choose and let go.

You do not need to be in charge of doing every single last thing that can possibly be done.

Have you ever noticed … when you finally check off one to-do list, before you even breathe a sigh of relief there's another list of to-do's ready and waiting?

Your in-box will never be empty and you will never get it all done. Make peace with that.

The belief that you do need to get everything done and that you can actually one day accomplish that “all-is-done” state … This is what keeps you in stress.

And by you I mean me.   I was the worst of the worst. Talk about underlying stress. I still go there sometimes and so I make it a point to remind myself of this daily … and each time that I do, I feel relief.

Choose and then let go. Separate out the important things and the rest, delegate to the universe.

This is the path to peace.

A few final words of wisdom …

The journey is the reward

“If you're obsessed with getting everything done, you'll never have a sense of well-being! In reality, almost everything can wait. If I remind myself frequently that the purpose of life isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a life filled with love, it's far easier for me to control my obsession with completing my list of things to do.”

–Richard Carlson
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

“You will never get it all done. How does that feel? If that feels like, ‘Oh good' … then you are remembering that the destination has never been what it's about. The destination just gives you something to focus upon so that energy flows, so that your journey is exhilarating.”

—  Abraham-Hicks
Excerpted from the workshop in Portland, OR on Tuesday, May 1st, 2001

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Special thanks to Jeanna Gabellini for imparting her wisdom (inspired by Stephen Covey / Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) … and for allowing me to share her right-on metaphor of the party. Download Jeanna's FREE teleclass “Ready, set…VISUALIZE” at Abundance Abounds.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Clink! The shaving gel hits porcelain. I pick it up, turn ’round and … Dink! Wide-tooth comb at 1:00, knocked down off its perch. I laugh, “I'm such a spazz!”

Pause, review, remove.

Because … What was that? Did I hear a label being tossed around? I hate the word “hate” but I apologize in advance, I really must use it here:

I hate labels.

They don't feel good. Plus when you get right down to it, they're verbal post-it notes. They never stick.

Think about it:

Guy's supposed to come fix your cable. Doesn't show. What a jerk! “Jerk?” Maybe.

Or maybe he's a cable guy. A cable guy who didn't come.

Same guy brings home a puppy to his daughter. Sweet! Sweet guy. He now has two post-it's stuck to his forehead:

Sweet.

Jerk.

What a sweet jerk!

And about a million other things.

Y'see, with labels it's all or nothin'. Either we acknowledge that he's everything from dark to light … or we remove his dark label and talk about the action, not the person.  I prefer label removal. Observe:

“I'm such a spazz.”

Or

“I knocked the over the shaving gel. I knocked over the comb.”

Hmm. Feels better already.

Here's the technique:

Pause: “Hang on a sec, I notice I just labeled somebody.” (Self or other, same rules apply). Not to worry, happens all the time with us humans.

Review: Rewind and look back. What was your misperception? Or what was your over-generalization? What did you think or say that was only a half-truth? Labels usually involve one of these.

Remove: Get real and super-truthful. Talk about the exact action instead of the exaggerated name or adjective.

“I'm an idiot” becomes “I forgot my keys.”

“He's a player” becomes “He dates lots of girls.”

“She's a snob” becomes “She didn't say hi to me.”

It may take a bit of practice but label-removal is both freeing and simple. Like pullin' off a bandaid, but without the sting. It only hurts if you leave it *ON*.

Look at the action, don't label the person. Try a week of this and see how you feel. And don't worry if you come home one day to find yourself covered with post-it's … We're all human. It happens. Just go back to the simple instructions:

Pause, review, remove.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Down here is where I usually “give credit where credit is due” but guess what? Label removal is my own idea so if you tell your peeps, this time YOU’re gonna have to give ME credit, how ’bout that? :: The image you see is a card from the Power Thought Card Deck by Louse Hay :: Visit We Are THAT Family for more Works-For-Me-Wednesday ideas! :: Share on Facebook

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

My ex-boyfriend owns a big snake named Caesar, aka Boo-Boo. The nickname? Oh, that’s his way of lessening my fear… Who can be afraid of a Boo-Boo, right? Smart guy.

Well, I’m deathly afraid of snakes. Or at least I was…

Imagine a dot (you) at the center of a circle. The circle represents the outer limit of your Comfort Zone.

What fits inside that circumference? All the things you’re comfortable with …

Going to the store …
swimming in a pool …
getting a haircut …
giving a toast at a family dinner….
being in the same pet store as a big snake who lives in a tank three aisles away.

What can be found *outside* the Comfort Zone?

Perhaps giving a presentation to 2,000 business people …
or swimming in an ocean …
or petting a snake who lives in your ex-boyfriend’s bedroom.

When I first met Caesar, sitting in his glass house secured by a nice tight escape-proof top, it was tough for me to even be in a room with him. A shuddery sensation would course through my body if I stood in the vicinity of his tank and if, God forbid, my ex-boyfriend would take him out, it’d send me packing to the opposite side of the room.

No offense, Boo-Boo.

“None taken, Col.”

Baby Steps

Depending upon the degree of difficulty, you may choose to take baby steps towards your goal. On the on a scale of 1 to 10, holding a snake was off the charts, completely unthinkable. Broken down into tiny steps it went something like this:

1. Stand across the room with Caesar, uh, Boo-Boo, safe in his tank. Watch him slither around.

2. Stand somewhat nearby (yet far away from his head) while he is, yikes, wrapped around my ex-boyfriend’s arm.

3. Touch his creepy-crawly belly for a second while aforementioned ex-boyfriend holds him securely.

4. Pet his scaly head. Again, ex-boyfriend holding securely is critical.

Just as a game, put your toe into the water. Play with your comfort zone. Challenge yourself and take a baby step outside of it. You’ll be surprised at the things you can actually do that you never dreamed possible. It’s a powerful feeling.

Taking the Splash

At some point, you’ll want to jump right in. Stepping out of your Comfort Zone is an exhilarating experience. It’s something you can feel proud of and you may even feel a rush of adrenaline … excitement … newfound confidence.

Once you’ve stepped outside that circle, not only does it expand to encompass the new thing you tried but it also strengthens you and gives you energy for other challenges.

Kinda like stretching out a balloon before blowing it up. With the first puff, you get a baby balloon. But stretch it out and the next time it’s easier to blow up that balloon reeeal big!

The Shocking Conclusion

Yes, I held Caesar- Can you believe it?!! I can’t. I sincerely can’t. “Never in a million!” I woulda said six months earlier. I can tell you, it's an empowering experience.

I wish the same for you. And so I offer you this gift:

I encourage you to play a little game with yourself and dip the tippy tip of your toe in the water… or jump right in. Be brave and just do it. All the courage it took to take that step is multiplied a hundred times in the rewards you’ll receive. Try it, you’ll like it!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

My total hero in the area of stepping outside the comfort zone is Tim Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Work Week. Tim is constantly LEAPING out … and in extraordinary ways. A guy to watch for sure.

Special thanks to my loving ex-boyfriend (and of course to Caesar) for his understanding, patience and kindness … an atmosphere in which the best miracles are cultivated!

Visit Rocks in My Dryer for more Works-For-Me-Wednesday ideas! :: Share on Facebook

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .